I admit it, I am a sucker for Christmas. Every year I hear The Christmas Shoe I find myself crying alone in my car in the parking lot at my office. Television commercials are enough to drive me over the edge. I find myself chopping onions to excuse the tears brought on by Folder's Commercials. I am not safe from from my own Christmas induced emotional idiocy anywhere.
I have, on numerous occasions, tried to explain "happy tears" to E. She has, on numerous occasions, advised me that a) I am confused and b) i should try laughing. Good advice little grasshopper, good advice.
As usual, my little one is wise beyond her years. This Christmas I didn't look for joy until our family was back together again. I found it, right there in Santa's workshop and in the wonder I saw in my little girls eyes and the hope I saw in by husband's smile. You see, this Christmas is bitter sweet. It marks the first time we have been together as a family for a long long time. However, I am reminded that next Christmas, we will be thousands of miles apart, wishing on the same christmas star. Again, my little grasshopper reminds me of the things that I already know to be true. "No matter when Daddy is, he is always in our heart and we are always in his." Our house will always be full of love and joy because of the voices inside it and the constant presence in our heart of the voices that desperately want to be there." No one is ever truly gone from as long as we love them and keep them there in our minds and in our hearts.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
back in the saddle again
First, an update. The deployment plans have changed. Take my advice, focus on the silver lining.
Worry not, this is what we have prepared for - what we all have prepared for. Step one, basic training. Davin was gone from January to March and I talked to him five times for less than five minutes each time. I read the letters that were sent to me for sentiment alone, the details were not important - I found myself scanning the letters for "I love you", "I am okay", "I miss you." It was only after he was home I was able to stomach the detail of what he went through. This prepared me for the times where I may not know where he is our what he is doing. It helped me to build trust in the army, in our relationship, and in myself.
WE. That is the most important part. A few years ago, we made a decision together, as a family, to join the army. I was incredibly resistant at first. I distinctly remember saying, "but you have a family." Davin replied, "so do most soldiers. i want to do it for you and for emma. i want to fight to protect and defend you and every other family. i need to do this." I have to admit, from the time I've known him, he has wanted to be in the military. I always assumed that it was a desire to actually become maverick - now I realize it is about something bigger.
Don't get me wrong, I frequently don't understand the army or how it works. I get very frustrated at some of the oddities of it all. But, very subtly, in the best way they can, I have been prepared for what lies ahead. I know not every soldier or soldier's family has, but hopefully we will move towards it. In the same way, hopefully we will be supported when he is home safe to us.
Worry not, this is what we have prepared for - what we all have prepared for. Step one, basic training. Davin was gone from January to March and I talked to him five times for less than five minutes each time. I read the letters that were sent to me for sentiment alone, the details were not important - I found myself scanning the letters for "I love you", "I am okay", "I miss you." It was only after he was home I was able to stomach the detail of what he went through. This prepared me for the times where I may not know where he is our what he is doing. It helped me to build trust in the army, in our relationship, and in myself.
WE. That is the most important part. A few years ago, we made a decision together, as a family, to join the army. I was incredibly resistant at first. I distinctly remember saying, "but you have a family." Davin replied, "so do most soldiers. i want to do it for you and for emma. i want to fight to protect and defend you and every other family. i need to do this." I have to admit, from the time I've known him, he has wanted to be in the military. I always assumed that it was a desire to actually become maverick - now I realize it is about something bigger.
Don't get me wrong, I frequently don't understand the army or how it works. I get very frustrated at some of the oddities of it all. But, very subtly, in the best way they can, I have been prepared for what lies ahead. I know not every soldier or soldier's family has, but hopefully we will move towards it. In the same way, hopefully we will be supported when he is home safe to us.
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